What makes a first date easy?
A good first date for mature singles is short, public and relaxed, with something to look at while you talk: a walk in a garden, a coffee after a gallery, a wander round a market. Aim for an hour or two, pick somewhere you can both reach easily, and let the place carry some of the conversation.
A first date at 50 is much like one at 25, with one big advantage: you know what you enjoy. Below are twelve ideas for sunny days, wet days and evenings, each with a reason it works and a tip, then the practical bits: how to arrange it, who pays, what to do if the spark isn’t there and what to tell a friend. It’s written for UK singles in their 40s, 50s, 60s or 70s, however you met.
When the sun is out: four first dates for a walk and a talk
Fresh air, room to talk and a natural finish, because you simply reach the gate. If the forecast turns, move on to the next four.
A walk in a public garden or park
Walking side by side takes the pressure off eye contact, and there’s a flowerbed, a duck or a dog to remark on when the conversation dips. Tip: choose a route with a cafe or a bench halfway round, so you have somewhere to sit and talk.
A farmers’ market stroll
Stalls give you things to taste, ask about and joke over, and you can drift on whenever you like. Tip: go mid-morning, buy something small to share on a bench afterwards, and take a bag, because you’ll end up buying cheese.
A canal or riverside walk
Flat, scenic and easy to shorten, with boats, bridges and wildlife to fill any pause. Tip: choose a busy stretch in daylight and agree a turning-back point before you set off, say the second bridge, so neither of you has to decide when it’s over.
A historic house or cathedral
Plenty to look at, a cafe on site and other visitors around. Tip: go on a weekday morning or a Saturday, and agree beforehand how long you’ll stay.
When it rains: four warm, dry first dates
Indoor dates need something to look at, or the conversation has to do all the work. These four bring their own scenery.
Coffee after a gallery or museum visit
The exhibits give you something to react to, which is easier than being asked to describe yourself, and the cafe is waiting at the end. Tip: choose one room or one exhibition rather than the whole building, and save your feet for the coffee.
A garden centre cafe
Warm, relaxed and full of things to look at, with plenty of room to browse at your own pace. Tip: wander round the plants first, then sit down with a pot of tea. You’ll soon learn whether you like walking at the same speed.
A book or record shop browse
What someone pulls off a shelf tells you plenty about them, and talking about favourites comes easily. Tip: set a small challenge: each pick one thing to recommend to the other, then compare notes over a drink.
A food hall lunch
Everyone chooses their own plate, so there’s no menu to negotiate, and you can sit or stand wherever suits. Tip: go just before or after the lunchtime rush, so you can hear each other.
For an afternoon or evening: four first dates with something to do
A shared task breaks the ice, and these four give you one. Book ahead where you need to, and pick whichever sounds like you both.
A craft or pottery taster
Working side by side gives you something to talk about without the pressure of eye contact. Tip: book a daytime session and check that others will be there.
A tea dance or taster dance class
Moving together breaks the ice faster than talking, and nobody expects polish at a taster. Tip: ask whether you need to come with a partner before you book, and wear shoes you can stand in for an hour.
A bowling or crazy golf afternoon
A little friendly competition shows a person’s sense of humour, and laughing at your own worst shot is very attractive. Tip: keep the score light and the stakes silly, such as the loser choosing the cafe afterwards.
A quiz night
A quiz gives you a shared task and plenty to talk about, so a pause feels like thinking time. Tip: arrive early for a table away from the speakers, admit your weak subject straight away, and order whatever you fancy, a soft drink included.
How soon should you meet after chatting online?
There’s no magic number of messages. A good moment to suggest meeting is when the conversation flows, you have both asked questions and you have talked about more than the weather. Meet when it feels right to you, and not before: a short coffee is a good next step once you’re both curious.
If you have been chatting on Sage Dating, you can carry on in the site’s messages until you have decided you’d like to meet. It opens in your phone’s browser, and our mature dating app page explains how. If you’d like to hear each other first, suggest a short video call, and keep your phone number and address to yourself until you have met.
Know the warning signs. Age UK’s guide to dating in later life lists people who avoid video calls or meeting in person, push you to move to a different platform too quickly, declare their love very early or ask you for money. Which? has added that even a video call can be faked, so treat any call as one check among several, never as proof. Our guide to spotting romance scams covers what to do if something worries you.
A profile that sounds like you makes the early messages easier too, and our mature dating profile examples show how.
Make the plan easy to say yes to
Five small steps turn “we should meet” into an actual date.
- Name a day, a time and a place. “Saturday at eleven, at the cafe by the park gates?” is far easier to agree to than “let’s meet up sometime”. Offer a second choice in case the first doesn’t suit.
- Keep it to an hour or two. That’s long enough to find out whether you enjoy each other’s company and short enough to leave on a high. If you both want more, add a walk or another cup.
- Make it easy for both of you to get there. Choose somewhere about as far for one as for the other, with a clear meeting point such as the cafe door or the front of the gallery.
- Confirm the day before. A line such as “Still on for tomorrow at eleven? I’m looking forward to it” settles nerves on both sides.
- Arrive five minutes early. Order something you can finish in your own time, and let the first minute be awkward, because it is for everybody. Have one easy question ready, such as what the highlight of their week has been.
Who pays? Settle it without fuss
There’s no rule, and nobody is keeping score. The easy way is to offer to split the bill or to take turns: “Shall we go halves?” or “I’ll get these, you can get the next.” If the other person insists on treating you, say thank you and offer to get the next round another time.
Picking something inexpensive, such as a coffee, a market snack or a cinema ticket, makes the question smaller still.
Dress for the walk, not the catwalk
Wear whatever makes you feel like yourself, because you’ll relax more. Look at the forecast first: a waterproof beats a statement coat, and shoes you can stand in for an hour beat anything new that pinches.
A layer you can take off is worth having, since a garden centre cafe can be too warm and a canal path is rarely warm enough.
What if the spark is not there?
Not every nice person is the right person, and finding that out in an hour is a good use of an hour. Before you part, say something true and kind: “I’ve enjoyed meeting you, but I don’t think we’re a match.” You owe no long explanation, and a clear, warm no is kinder than a slow fade.
The Suzy Lamplugh Trust advises planning an exit strategy for a first meeting, and agreeing a finish time when you arrange it’s a gentle one. A short thank-you message that evening ends things with grace.
And if the spark is there?
If you enjoyed yourself, say so before you part: “I’d like to do this again.” Suggest something specific, perhaps the next walk or a lunch, and let them answer in their own time.
Not sure yet? It’s perfectly fine to say “I enjoyed that. Can I message you tomorrow?” and then do.
Tell a friend, then enjoy the evening
Letting someone know your plan is a simple habit that takes a minute. The Suzy Lamplugh Trust advises telling someone where you’re going and who you’re meeting, and checking in with them before, during and after the date. Here is that routine laid out for the day itself.
| When | What to do |
|---|---|
| Before you go | Tell a friend your date’s username, where you’re meeting, what time, and when you expect to be home. Agree what they should do if you don’t check in. Charge your phone and plan how you’ll get there and back, with money for a taxi or a route home by public transport. |
| While you are there | Stay where other people are, and don’t leave your drink or your phone unattended. Send your friend a quick message at the time you agreed. If something feels wrong, you can leave at any moment without explaining. |
| Afterwards | Make your own way home rather than sharing a taxi with someone you have only just met, and message your friend as soon as you’re in. Take a day to think before you decide on a second date, and keep chatting on the site until you’re sure. |
Our safety advice covers the rest, from what other members can see about you to blocking and reporting.
First date ideas near you
What is on your doorstep shapes the menu: a riverside in one town, a canal basin or a market hall in another. For local ideas, start with our pages on mature dating in London and mature dating in Manchester, or find your own city on the locations page. Sage Dating has members in and around each of these places. More ideas for meeting people are in our guide to where to meet mature singles, and every guide we have written is on the mature dating guides page.
First date questions, answered
What are good first date ideas for over 50s?
A walk in a park or public garden, coffee after a gallery, a stroll round a farmers’ market, or lunch in a food hall or garden centre cafe all work well. They’re short, public and give you something to talk about. The twelve ideas above cover sunny days, wet days and evenings.
How long should a first date last?
An hour or two is plenty. It’s long enough to find out whether you enjoy each other’s company and short enough to leave on a high, and a second date can be longer.
Who pays on a first date?
There’s no rule. Offer to split the bill or take turns, and accept graciously if the other person would like to treat you. Choosing something inexpensive, like a coffee or a walk, makes the question smaller.
Where should you meet for a first date?
Somewhere public that’s easy for both of you to reach, in daylight if you can: a cafe, a park, a gallery or a market. Police Scotland’s advice on dating apps and websites is to meet in a public place and go during the day. Make your own way there and home, and tell a friend where you’ll be.
How soon should I meet someone from a dating site or app?
When the conversation flows and you have both shown some curiosity, suggest a short meeting instead of letting messages drift on for weeks. There’s no set number of days. If someone keeps putting it off or asks for money, slow down: Age UK’s advice isn’t to send money to anyone you haven’t met in person, however long you have been talking.
What should I tell a friend before a first date?
Give them your date’s username, where you’re meeting, what time and when you expect to be home, and agree to message them when you get in. It takes a minute and means someone knows where you are.
Ready for a first coffee with someone new?
Join Sage Dating, say hello to someone who catches your eye and take it at your own pace.
Join free